On the surface, I’m an average 22 year old. Working on my last semester of college, while trying to work to keep myself out of as much debt as possible. I like to watch movies and hangout with my friends on the weekends.
Beneath the surface, is where things start to get complicated.
Some days I wish I could show others what goes on in my head and other days I’m glad that they don’t see it. One of the issues with anxiety is that your mind is constantly working. Sometimes it’s waking up just as you fall asleep because you can’t remember if you sent that email or turned in the right assignment. Other times it’s taking one activity or event and unconsciously creating “possible” outcomes or results, many that aren’t even possible or within your control.
Another thing that anxiety does is that it makes you your own worst critic.
The constant “reminder” that makes you proofread your essay, email, or even text message almost half a dozen times before sending, is the worst for me. It takes a toll on my mentally after doing several “proofing required” tasks.
Like I said before, I work and attend college. Getting assignments done isn’t my issue and neither is filling out and organizing paperwork. The issue is when I need to reread each assignment and check for spelling and grammar, but anxiety makes you go one step further and second guess that the font is correct, the order of paragraphs makes sense and even if the entire assignment is for the right class. The same happens at work. If I’m working on putting paperwork together it’s not as simple as filling it. There’s the sudden thought of did I print enough, or why is one placed in a different spot? Then there is my favorite, I lost my train of thought for a second and can’t remember if everything is correct.
This is the reality of what medicated anxiety is like for me.
And I’m 100% grateful for my medication because I remember what it was like to handle my anxiety without it.
To My Anxiety 
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