Body Language and Tone of Voice

One of the things that makes my anxiety worse is how a person talks to me. Everything from what they say to the tone of their voice, can set me off.

My biggest form of anxiety stems from social interactions. So, when I usually need to talk with someone I don’t hold eye contact, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger, my boss, or even my grandparents.

A simplified version of what goes on is something like, okay I can do this I have been rehearsing what I want to say now I just have to say it… wait that wasn’t supposed to be said first… god is my voice shaking… what are they thinking… oh god I just forgot what I was going to say… did they notice that I just stuttered… why aren’t they showing any emotion… I’m just talking in circles now… oh god I need to stop talking…why haven’t they cut me off…

But the worst situation is when you aren’t given the chance to defend yourself. Even if you don’t know what to say other than a poor sorry for an excuse apology, the chance to explain yourself is better than having the feeling of someone putting you down.

The thoughts during this are like, what are they saying… no I didn’t intentionally do that… why are they yelling so loud at me… I didn’t think that would happen… why are you throwing you arms around… nobody understands what happened… why did you get up from your seat… please get out of my face… why are you so close, you’re scaring me… I’m sorry…

Even if the intention isn’t to scare me to the point that I cry and instead just express disappointment and anger, I always end the conversation with silent tears.

Depending on who the conversation is with there are always a few things that are the first things I think of. For example, take a conversation with my boss. If I start the conversation with her the first thing that pops up in my mind is, okay is she in a good mood today… am I going to create a problem for her. However if she asks to speak with me, omg what does she want did I forget to do something… (mentally going over a checklist of my duties)… am I going to get fired…

It’s almost like my body goes through a fight or flight response every time I am part of a conversation.

It’s easy to see that body language and tone of voice affect the thoughts of anyone during a conversation. However, when someone with anxiety either starts or takes part in a conversation, there are so many thoughts going through their head, that range from completely reasonable to the worst things that could happen.

It’s not like someone is going to come out and tell you or even remind you that they have anxiety and can’t handle a conversation the same way as you.

The only thing I can wish that everyone I do talk with now and may possibly talk with in the future would do is, look at my body language and tone of voice and please think before you speak.