Going Back to Work After a Break

I have two jobs. One is a full time job that follows the school district’s calendar and has a contract that goes from September 1 to June 30. In this job, I work with kids and teens. The other job is a part time cashier position that I work during the summer and I pick up a few weekend shifts throughout the year.

So recently, on September 1, my contract for my full time job renewed.

I haven’t worked this job since June 30, and haven’t been into either of the schools I work in since two weeks before that. So it is fair to say that I haven’t been in my usual work environment for 2-3 months.

Queue the anxiety.

Today September 6, was the first day back to school for the districts I work with. Today also happens to be the day of the week that I’m scheduled to be in one of the schools. So, I went to that school.

I didn’t go in at 8, or even 9, but 10. I had case files to bring in, organize and lock in my new filing cabinet. It took about two hours for me to do that. Then I had to leave.

I began to sweat and feel like I was breathing heavy. My head started to spin and I felt lightheaded. So I left.

My position and role at the school doesn’t require me to report to anyone upon my arrival or early departure.

So I left.

When I got out to my car, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I know that I suffer from panic disorder that’s influenced by my anxiety. I can’t remember the last time I had a panic attack, but it wasn’t something that I wanted to repeat.

I LOVE my job. I can’t express that enough. I love the kids I work with and the coworkers both at my organization and at the schools. I have only been in this position full time since March. It stresses me out. So I was looking forward to having the summer off and a chance to work at a more leisurely pace.

However, if this is how I’m going to feel every year, I don’t know how long it’s going to take before it breaks me.