Let me start off by saying, I love my job. Still, after working for almost two years in this high stress environment, I haven’t questioned if this is the right career for me. I love it!
However, because of the type of job I have it creates a very high stress mental environment that carries itself home with me at the end of the day. There are a few times each month that I’m looking forward to the weekend because then it seems like my work life is put on pause. But it never stops.
During my average week, I’m in two offices, two schools, one police department, and two or three homes to provide services or programs to children. I carry two work phones (plus my own personal phone) and a laptop to each location. Plus I take at least two bags (one for snacks and one for supplies) to each program. And let’s be real, because I don’t like making a second trip out to my car, I try to carry everything in at once. So I look like I’m moving into each location I’m at.
Let me also say that I enjoy the children I work with. Whether it’s as a Youth Empowerment Specialist or a Youth Mentoring Coordinator, I love the children I see each week. Anyone that works with children will tell you this, but they are the reason I love what I do and feel like crying at the same time. Nothing could actually make me happier.
However, because there is children involved in my work, that means that their parents are involved as well. So far I have not met any difficult parents. However, I have had a few parents who expect more from me than I’m capable of. But the worst parents are the ones that miss the appointments or programs and don’t notify me. Then when I contact them they say they forgot and will be there next week and this goes on for weeks.
Basically I’m getting gaslighted by the parents.
Because of these reasons, I know that I can’t do this job forever. I was diagnosed with anxiety in the 8th grade and have not had as many anxiety and panic attacks within the last 10 years as I have had within the last year. My job takes a toll on my mental well being and makes it harder for me to function properly without taking medication. I have had anxiety attacks in my offices at the schools and in my car while on the side of the road going to a house for a service. It’s hard.
I know that I won’t be able to do this job forever, probably not even for 5 more years. However, while I am able to, I’m going to enjoy what I do.
To My Anxiety 
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